Barian Handbook
by Matarra
Summary: A guide to all things barian. Written by the barian emperors. Rated to be safe.
1. Introduction

Greetings.

I am Emperor Dumon, knight and one of the seven leaders of Barian World.

Hiyas!

I'm Alit, fighter extraordinaire. And a king of Barian World.

I am Emperor Misael. The dragon master of Barian World and a ruler of the planet.

Hi, I'm Gilag, another emperor and a proud and fierce warrior of my home world.

Name's Vector. Emperor, dictator, tyrant, insane heartless maniac, and etc.

This book is written to better explain Barian World's inhabitants, history, geography, culture, and way of life to barians, humans, and Astral beings alike. Astral World sees us as a primal society but really we have many customs and history. At the top of the page will tell the reader which one of us is writing the chapter. This book functions as basically a guide to Barian World. With that, this introduction is concluded. Barian Sekai No Tame Ni!

** Any suggestions to topics for chapters? Please review. And I KNOW this is short. It's just the intro so the other chapters will be longer.  
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	2. Anatomy

Dumon,

The first chapter of a guidebook about barians should, naturally, be about the barians genetic make-up and structure. Basically, our anatomy. First off, barian hearts are basically star-burst shaped crystals. To put it in simple terms, it acts a bit like a magnet. It pushes and pulls the liquified energy through our cords. Cords are similar to veins, but with enough differences that another name is needed for them. When we breath through small holes in our neck and shoulders, the energy in the air goes into our heart and the heart distributes it into our bloodstream. It eventually merges with the blood. That's why when we bleed, our blood looks like it has stars in it. The black of our blood mixed with the lights of the unabsorbed energy looks a bit like the night sky from earth. After a while the energy gets mixed with the blood and just like human blood turns brown, our blood turns a dull grayish-black color when dried.

That is also one of the reasons why we can't take our true forms on earth. There isn't enough raw energy in the air and in our barian forms we need to breath energy just like humans need oxygen. The other reason is that barian bodies are pure, solidified energy. Energy structures in a matter based world don't do well. I can take my true form in certain places on earth with a suitable energy environment when other barians can't in the same place. That's mostly because unless I'm in a really intense state, I don't need to take in so much energy as the average barian when breathing. I still have to regulate how much I inhale though.

Our skin is very tough. It has three layers. The outside layer is made of really, really, small scales and it protects us like a layer of chainmail. The second layer is rough, like sandpaper. It's still pretty strong, but is considerably weaker than the outside layer. The third and innermost layer is really soft. I suppose you could compare it to a human baby's skin when it is first born. It's mostly there to provide a cushion for our internal parts from the outer layers if something were to hit us.

Our markings serve many functions. One is to communicate. Since we don't have mouths we talk by slightly vibrating the markings or mask-like coverings on our faces. They also allow us to feed. We often have some kind energy containment vessel, usually hand-held, full of energy. Bring it close to us, release the energy stored inside and absorb it. We can do this in human or barian form and can also absorb energy from things like batteries although that 'tastes' really weird and is degrading. And when we, *ahem*, 'kiss' each other by placing the areas where human lips would be on us together, our markings transmit energy between the two barians making them feel refreshed and energized.

I believe that is it for the basic anatomy of a barian. If I have missed some points, I will make another entry to address them. Barian Sekai No Tame Ni!


	3. Cloaks

Hiya Homies! Alit here!

As you might be able to tell, I've just come back from being on earth for three weeks straight. Whateves. So this chapter is about our clothing. Misael claimed it was a stupid subject and refused to write about it so I volunteered! He said that it made sense I would want to write about it and- wait. I think he called me an idiot. Misael! When you made that comment about it making sense that I should write the clothing chapter, were you calling me a moron?!

...He said yes, basically. Well, screw you too! *coughs awkwardly* Anyhoooo...

Most every barian wears cloaks as part of our daily attire, it's sort of like how humans wear jeans...Misael just yelled that they're technically called cowls and that I shouldn't make the jeans reference. I thought you didn't want to write this chapter! Hey! What- OW!

I'm back again, this time holding an ice pack on my head. Ow. I'm still calling them cloaks, though, to hell with what Misael says! You can usually tell a barian's social position by their cloak. Miners have rough cloaks that are dark in color and made of a very durable material. Housewives have cloaks that are a bright color and feel really soft. Store owners and clerks have neon colored cloaks and they are light and it really grabs your attention every time they move. (I think they look so AWESOME but Misael says they look incredibly retarded and have no dignity. Dumon won't let me wear a cloak like that for a similar reason.)

Which brings me to the part about our own cloaks. And, oh boy, is this going to be long! The gems on our hoods are like the crowns that human royalty wear. It lets other barians know that they are in the presence of their leaders, although almost every barian knows who we are anyway. But a few barians on the outskirts of society don't know what we look like.

One time, a barian decided to put yellow gems on his cloak and tell some ignorant barians that he was an emperor. Well Misael found out and he was SO pissed. I'm not sure if it was because the barian was claiming to be royalty and he wasn't playing a game like little kids do, or if it was because he was taking advantage of some naïve barians. I think it was a mixture of the two, but it was probably more towards the later because Misael gave the tricked family compensation for the effort and resources expended on the imposter. As for the pretend emperor, I really don't think he'll be standing up straight or sitting down again any time soon.

Oops, got off track. Our cloaks also serve as a defense mechanism. (See, Misael?! I do know words longer than two syllables!)...Misael just yelled for me to shut my- never mind. Not repeating that. Our cloaks are made of an extremely resilient substance that can deflect most mid-strength energy attacks and prevent weapons like knives from piercing our skin. The down side is, they are REALLY heavy. Seriously, this thing weighs like, 500 pounds. ...Oh, thanks, Misael! He just said that my cloak weighs 670 pounds, his weighs 710 pounds, Dumon's weighs 690 pounds, Gilag's weighs 530 pounds, and Vector's weighs 580 pounds. We take them off when we are fighting, dueling, or when we feel like it as long as it isn't a formal event. ….I think that covers everything. Sayonara and adios! Oh! And thank Misael for helping me with this chapter! ...Wait, what does 'bugger off' even mean Misael? Don't call me a f*cking retard!


	4. Laws and Crime

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Finally! Dumon lets me write a chapter!

I'm Vector, if you didn't guess~

Hmm... What topic to choose. At least one not on the list of prompts that Dumon told me I couldn't choose. What did he put on here anyway?

…

Oh come freaking on! This just forces me to trash all of my ideas! Why the hell is _'mutating bunnies and other animals so they have extra teeth, tentacles, bloodthirsty rages, or etc.'_ even on here?! Does he really think I would choose that as a topic?!

…

Okay, you got me. That was a possible topic I was considering but still!

Alright, alright. I can work with this. Hmm... legal system isn't on here and I'm a personal expert on that.

…

Don't get so excited about a non-Vectoresqe chapter. Trust me, do you really think I'll do ANYTHING that doesn't involve some blood or torment? If you do, you're crazier than me, and NOBODY can be more insane than I am so I would have to hunt you down and kill you for multiple reasons.

….

Damn it! Dumon just read over my shoulder and told me very sternly not to threaten anyone who might be reading this. Nosy bookworm barian...

Very well! On with the lecture! Vector style!

The barian emperors have a set of laws that we abide by to make decisions, whether it be on deciding punishments(my personal favorite!), scheduling events and holidays, diplomatic relationships(my least favorite. What's the point of negotiating with someone when you can just rip out their heart and laugh as the bleed out?), and wartime standards(or lack thereof).

I'll be merciful and spare you the entire law book 'cause that thing is freaking LOOOOONG! Actually, that's mostly my fault. Hee hee. Basically, I took advantage of every little loophole in the laws so the other emperors got together to make a lot more subsections that prevented me finding more loopholes. I'll admit, they did really well. It's incredibly hard to even find any flaws that I can take advantage of anymore. Sucks, but kudos to the others. But I got off track. Here's the most important rules.

_ 1) Barian World is to be ruled by the seven emperors. The world is divided up into seven sections with an emperor assigned to each one. Decisions that could impact the entire world will be decided by a vote of all the emperors but decisions impacting only a certain emperor's domain are decided by the emperor ruling that section as long as it does not interfere with the laws governing all of Barian World._

Now I've had some problems with THIS one. Okay, I have problems with all of the rules but this one really bites. Apparently, letting barians stab each other on sight if they feel like it is _"interfering with the laws governing all of Barian World"_. Seriously, how crazy is that?! I mean, really? A little slaughter is immoral? Really?

…

If you stop reading now because this is getting to be too psychotic for you, I will hunt you down and-

…

Just got yelled at not to threaten the readers. SOMEone hasn't had his coffee today~ Alrighty then, on to law numero dos!

_ 2) Murder, theft, rape, or attempted murder is punishable by up to 100 years of imprisonment involving physical punishment sessions._

I have a love/hate relationship with this law. See, I hate it because it has prevented me from making certain laws(see above). However, I have to LOVE this law at the same time. Let me explain; barians generally live about 200 years but we as emperors have lived much longer and are still in our prime. We'll probably keep going for at least another several thousand years before we even start to slow down but that's besides the point. So 100 years is about half the normal barian lifespan. Now, you may be thinking _'Wait a sec, shouldn't murder and stuff put someone in jail for longer?'_ You forgot about the line about physical punishment sessions. That is the fancy, sugarcoated way of saying criminals are thrown in my dungeon for their entire sentences and I get to torture them.

YAY~!

Sadly, not many barians commit crimes anymore. Although I think that was the idea. Fine, law number three.

_ 3) The death penalty is only to be inflicted when the offender has threatened Barian World's stability in some extremely serious way._

Yeah... death penalty is VERY severe and most barians will cringe at the mention of it, even though it has been enacted on only two barians. These two particular barians had committed several serial killings, burned down houses and other acts of vandalism, and made many different attempts on our lives. Needless to say, everyone was ticked at them and they were eventually captured and we sentenced them to death. I was absolutely ESTATIC at the time!

…

Maybe I should explain exactly what the death penalty is. Basically, I have different levels of torture I can inflict on a person(or barian or Astral being or etc.). I'm not allowed to go full out ultimate psycho torture on most prisoners but if a barian has been given the death penalty, I can kill them anyway I want and there is no time limit to WHEN they have to die. Can anyone say torture fiesta? Alright, on to the next law!

_ 4) When in a time of war, the emperors may take any and all precautions to protect Barian World and its citizens._

See what I mean by lack thereof of wartime standards? Basically this law lets us do whatever we want to our enemies and domestically if it will keep barians and Barian World safe.

_ 5) An unscheduled holiday or the creation of a new holiday must be approved by all the emperors before taking effect._

Finally! We get to a rule that was NOT made because of me! This one was Alit's fault. A long time ago, he kept announcing holidays in his domain and the economy started to plummet before the other emperors stepped in. They made this rule after that so they don't have to step in so much (hint "so much". Alit and Gilag's leadership skills are less than proficient.)

_6) Diplomatic negotiations are to be held on neutral territory and no violence or threats of any kind will be tolerated._

There's a subsection on this one that says, and I quote, _'Vector is not allowed to go on diplomatic missions except when everyone on both parties agree. Like that's ever going to happen' _They only made that one because one time, one freaking time, I might have killed a diplomat. It was easy and fun. First, I pinned him against a wall telekinetically. Then, I took out a pencil and stabbed him 47 times in the chest, being careful to avoid vital areas because what would be the fun if he died quickly? After that, I-

…

…

Oh COME ON, Dumon! He just told me that those were all the basic laws and that I shouldn't freak any readers out anymore. Damn it... I was just warning up too.

…

Oh, hardy har har! "That's the idea" Real funny, Dumon. You're hilarious.

_* Dumon's note: I apologize for all the restrictions I placed on Vector but if he was allowed to write what he wanted, this book would have to be placed in the mature section. There will be another chapter about our legal system if required.  
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	5. Love

Dumon here.

I am actually the only barian capable of doing this entry because I have knowledge of it, unlike Gilag and Alit, and will write it solely from an intellectual point of view. And I will give enough detail so you understand but don't need to get mind bleach.*cough* Vector! *cough*

This chapter is about barian courting ways, marriage ceremonies, and *ahem* reproduction. I won't go into much detail on the last one, however. It's embarrassing enough to talk about the other two.

…

Excuse me, Vector?! I know about this stuff from reading books and paying attention in our classes when we were little! I have no personal experience in this field of study!

…

Did you just imply what I think you implied?! I have never kissed Merag! She's not interested in me and I'm not interested in her!

…

What do you mean by "Suuure..."? She's a very beautiful barian with a great personality and anyone would have to be blessed to have her as a girlfriend but I don't love her! She's my best friend's sister and my fellow emperor so I can't focus on the way she brushes her hair or how her very voice is music or how her eyes shine brighter than any star-

…

Nope, I don't have any romantic feelings for her. Don't you have some prisoner to torture, Vector?

…

He's gone, thank Don Thousand. I probably should've gone to earth and drank some coffee before starting this chapter. Well, not much I can do about it now. I've wasted time with the introduction, I had better start on the constructive part of the chapter.

When a barian loves another, he/she will eventually go to the barian they have a "crush", as you humans call it, on and profess their love. Well, usually anyway. Then they will go on outings similar to human "dates" for a while. If they find they are perfect for each other, one of them will propose to the other. Unlike humans, proposing is not limited to the male, females can do it too and it may even be a little more common for the female to propose than the male. Also unlike humans, when I say perfect for each other, I really mean perfect for each other. Not thinking they are perfect, actually are perfect. Let me elaborate; for barians, lust is not a very familiar emotion.

I suppose I should use an example to help explain. Let's say barian A meets with barian B. Barian A could feel affection that could soon bud into love towards barian B or feel nothing. As time goes by, A and B will get to know each other better. A could not feel anything romantic towards B or start to love B. On the other hand, B's feelings towards A will probably be the same as A's to B's, but not always.

Let's say, for the sake of the example, barian A develops romantic feelings for barian B. Then A will start noticing the physical characteristics of B. They way B dresses, the way B moves, B's unique energy aura, that sort of thing. From my personal observations, although there are some exceptions, that's usually reversed with humans, meaning humans notice a possible mate's physical features before learning about their personality.

So A loves B now. Sooner or later A will admit their love for B or, since B is probably feeling the same way about A, B will admit their love for A. When a barian wants to admit their affections, they often make a gift they believe the other will like and present it to their "crush" with a verbal or written confession of their feelings. Almost always, the other will accept the gift and the others affections. Then they will go on outings humans call "dates".

The more romantic time they spend together, the better they get to know each other. After a period of time, they spend a lot of time together and don't go a day without seeing each other. Around that time, one barian will propose to the other.

However, as an extra precaution to make sure that the barians truly love each other, they have to participate in at least one Celestial Stars Ceremony. That is a holiday barians have that is, I suppose akin to human's Valentine's Day. However the only real similarities are that they are both about love and lovers give gifts to each other.

The Celestial Stars Ceremony is a twelve day long celebration where lovers are not allowed any contact with each other, verbal or physical. Each lover is often teamed up with a group of others who are separated from their lovers and spend time together for the twelve days. On every day they buy or make gifts for their lovers. At midnight on the twelfth day, they lovers are reunited and give the gifts to each other. The whole idea of the ceremony is that if the lovers that usually spend a lot of time together get split apart for a while and their bond is still strong, they are probably really perfect for each other.

If a couple has met this requirement, they can get married. Barian weddings aren't that different from human ones. There are only a few real differences. Like before the lovers exchange rings, they have to put their hands on a crystal and transmit some of their energy into it as a symbol of trust in each other and the barian conducting the ceremony will place a white gem on the back of the hood on each of the lover's hoods, as a symbol of marriage. There is a wedding cake, but it's not like human cakes. I won't get into it right now, but barian food will be explained in another chapter.

Now for the explanation of reproduction. Oh boy... Well, when two barians wish to have a child or just want some... I believe humans have dubbed it "gemsex", they lay in bed together and... well... oh Don Thousand this is awkward! Okay, pull it together Dumon. They feel the gems on each others bodies, which are very sensitive and are primary conductors of our energy. When another barian touches the gems, the barian's energy mingles with the other barian's energy and that can sometimes/usually lead to a baby. Barians go through a shorter pregnancy than humans do, about 5-6 earth months.

When the baby is about to be born, the pregnant barian's stomach opens up, don't worry, the barian's body temporarily remove all internal fluids from that part of the body while the stomach is open and the baby barian is pushed out. It could get messy otherwise. I hear humans don't do this. I really don't think I ever want to see a human baby being born. After the baby is born, the stomach reseals itself, but it's still a little tender for a few days.

I think that's it for barian love... hold it. I have neglected to mention one thing.

Unlike humans, it IS possible for males to get other males pregnant and females get other females pregnant. Rare, but possible. Meaning homosexual relationships are treated the same as straight ones, meaning without disdain. However, most barians prefer to love barians of the opposite sex.

That's it for barian love rituals. I'm going to askMisael or Gilag write the next chapter since neither of them has written one yet. Barian Sekai No Tame Ni!


	6. Food

Hello. It's Gilag. I'm supposed to be doing this chapter on... hold on a second. Uh, Misael? What am I supposed to be doing this chapter on again?

…

Okay, I'm not going to be getting any more help from him. He said, and I quote, "On food you dunderhead! And I don't want to be answering all of your stupid questions like I did with Alit when he wrote his chapter so I'm going to feed Tachyon so I don't have to put up with your incompetence!"

Yeah... So I think I might be going solo for this. Shit.

Fine, fine, I can do this. You can totally do this Gilag. Ok, here I go.

Our food has some similarities to human food. In shape, texture, and appearance, they look really similar. But if a human tried to bite into some barian food, they would probably break their jaw and most of their teeth. That's 'cause barian food is, in its essence, rock-hard solidified energy. Barians can use their powers to transform the 'food' back into energy and absorb it(also called "releasing the energy"). Humans... not so much. At all. A barian can release the food's energy and have a human absorb it but humans don't take well to absorbing pure energy.

Alit once released a chrysalisfruit's energy and let Yuma "eat" it and Yuma spent the next hour with a skull-splitting headache and retching his liver out on the floor. So humans should probably not try to eat any barian food. Especially since when Vector found out about the chrysalisfruit incident he started making his non-barian torture prisoners "eat" barian food to see what effects it has on them. Judging by the screams we heard from Vector's torture dungeon(which is ironically named by Vector, "The Happy Fluff-time Dungeon". Don't ask) some of the effects are pretty bad. It's even more disturbing once you realize the walls to Vector's dungeon are soundproof. This is also the reason I like to sleep with Ponta.

So barian food resembles a lot of human foods but there are major differences. For one, we don't have 'meat'. In order to do that, we would have to kill some barian wildlife, then convert them into energy. And then it wouldn't "taste" good because it would be energy from some dead thing. So it's a total waste. I'm not saying we won't eat meat in our human forms, just we don't like to in our true forms. For another, foods that are better for our health "taste" a lot better to us. Meaning the healthier the food, the better it tastes. I don't get why human foods aren't like that. It's really confusing. We actually spent a month not eating any spinach or most other vegetables because we thought they were bad for us until Dumon looked up their nutritional value.

In Barian World, we have a lot of different types of fruits. I think I mentioned chrysalisfruits earlier. They're really cool in that they keep changing colors. Chrysalisfruits keep shifting the color all the time and most people dub them "rainbow fruits". They're sweet and sour at the same time. There's also Veridiavberries. They're a really dark black color and taste extremely spicy. Those are just two of the... hold on, let me check Dumon's notes on the subject... 436 different fruits in Barian World. Wow, I did not know there even were that many.

….

Oh, hey Dumon! Looks that I will get some help after all. Thank Don Thousand. So Dumon just reminded me to explain our sense of "taste". We don't have... what are they called... oh right! Taste buds like humans do so when we absorb energy... well... Dumon help me out here!

….

Okay, so we... Dumon could you explain it the way you explained it to me?

….

**_*sigh* __F__ine. I'm Dumon by the way. So how I explained it to Gilag __was that how we taste is almost like an amplified version of the chemical reaction that takes place in humans brain that actually registers the taste of the food a human eats. If you are a human __or are an alien in human form__, you know how when you eat something __you taste it in your mouth but your brain tastes it a little too because it handles the chemical signals allowing you to taste? Imagine that feeling in your mind amplified by about 100. That's how barians taste our food. __However, I must attest that tasting food with taste buds as humans do gives food a much stronger flavor._**

…. Dammit, he left. So I'm going solo again. Crap…I just had a deja-vu moment.

Okay, so I suppose I should explain that we don't just have to eat fruits and "grains" and stuff all the time. We can cook you know. Since our food is rock hard, we get the ingredients for anything we make soft enough to combine with other ingredients by only partially releasing the energy in it. That makes it kinda gooey and it easily mixes with other ingredients. Other than that, cooking is pretty similar. So we do have cakes and bread and pancakes and stuff like that.

That's all I know about our food. So I'm going to end this chapter so I can go play with Ponta. Bye.


End file.
